Cat News in Briefs

Thursday, March 11th - STACEY, 22, from Portsmouth

STACEY was stunned after 100 starlings fell from the skies in Somerset. She said: ?Each starling?s movement is affected by others. This is a case of mathematical chaos but it appears on this occasion the poor birds got their sums wrong.?

Wednesday, March 10th - KATIE, 24, from Liverpool

KATIE is mystified by the UFO in Norfolk. She said: "All spaceships created by man depend on Newton's third law of motion - for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Yet this UFO does not seem to exhaust thrust."

Tuesday, March 9th - SAM, 24, from Manchester

SAM was pleased to hear women will be allowed to serve on submarines with men. She said: ?We?ve come a long way since philosopher John Stuart Mill?s 1869 essay The Subjection of Women. I just hope there?s something for girls to plug in hair straighteners.?

Monday, March 8th - RHIAN, 23, from Manchester

RHIAN is cheered by the UK?s increasing efforts to recycle. But she adds: ?What we really need is a more efficient method of thermal depolymerisation to convert plastics into light crude. We could beat our energy shortage AND reduce landfill, all thanks to some basic hydrous pyrolysis.? / MURDOC NICCALLS OF GORILLAZ REPLIES ?You?re absolutely right, Rhian ? we don?t want to run into a situation where the conversation (sic) process itself utilises more energy than it manages to save. Recycling in its basic form is still key. But judging by this picture I think you?ve recycled your clothes before you really finished with them, don?t you think??

Friday, March 5th - Kelly, 19, from Daventry

Statistics are vital to figures fan Kelly but even she thinks Mickey Rourke?s number?s up. She said: ?Movie stud Rourke?s claim to bed 14 women a night doesn?t bear maths scrutiny. Over 9 ½ weeks it comes to 112. He?s taken the mickey.?

Thursday, March 4th - BECKY, 26, from London

BECKY hopes the Queen enjoys the chess set from South African president Jacob Zuma. She said: ?Hopefully Her Majesty welcomed him with a cunning opening gambit, before finally springing a resounding crosstable checkmate.?

Wednesday, March 3rd - HOLLIE, 22, from Manchester

THE polar bears stuck miles out at sea on melting ice worry Hollie. She said: ?Seasonal variations of the Arctic cap reflect altered solar energy absorption. The ice may shrink further, so the bears have to swim for it. Or they could go with the floe.?

Tuesday, March 2nd - CHLOE, 22, from Leeds

CHLOE has an idea why millions of PS3s have packed up. She said: ?It could be caused by the mother board interface misconnecting with the CPU and RAM which then sorts the processor and video card. Or it could be something complicated.?

Monday, March 1st - DANNI, 23, from Coventry

DANNI thinks its hilarious Nelson Mandela thought Jeremy Clarkson was an astronaut. She said: ?The moon buggy?s two 36-volt silver-zinc potassium hydroxide batteries wouldn?t stand a chance with him at the wheel.?

Friday, February 26th - ROSIE, 19, from Surrey

ROSIE thinks energy bills are painfully high as British Gas posts record profits. She said: ?Energy firms have boosted margins by £30 for each typical dual fuel customer yet wholesale gas costs are down 30 per cent. What do I do? Put a jumper on??

Thursday, February 25th - PETA, 23, from Essex

PETA is not surprised scientists have proved that looking at Page 3 girls is as enjoyable as a tipple. She said: ?Sun fans know that studying a curvy girl stimulates the brain?s pleasure centres ? and I don?t just mean the pre-frontal cortex.?

Wednesday, February 24th - No NEWS IN BRIEFS

No NEWS IN BRIEFS

Tuesday, February 23rd - SAM, 24, from Manchester

SAM is appalled by our education system. She said: ?Labour has turned learning and teaching into a commodity, with their obsession with league tables and progress tablets. But we all know the most important lessons are learned behind the bike sheds.?

Monday, February 22nd - POPPY, 18, from Somerset

POPPY was fascinated by the Astronomer Royal?s thoughts on extraterrestrial life. But she said: ?If Lord Rees is right about alien life, where are they all hiding? Or is he suggesting absence of evidence doesn?t mean evidence of absence.?

Friday, February 19th - AMY G, 21, from Sheffield

AMY G is appalled Gordon Brown is borrowing £97,199 a minute to pay off Britain?s debt. She said: ?When Adam Smith wrote the Wealth of Nations in 1776 he predicted debt would lead to the collapse of the British Empire.?